We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
