Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
