so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
