Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
