I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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