so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
