kristin has been a bad kristin
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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