His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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