it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
