what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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