Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize