New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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