Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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