So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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