why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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