it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
