Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
