You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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