It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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