Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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