Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
