So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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