Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i came on her dog
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
