Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
