Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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