a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
