I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
