we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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