discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
