if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
