I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize