Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
