Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize