Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize