And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
