it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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