In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
jump out the window naked night went bad
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