did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
