oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
