we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
