the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
