he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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