Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
