Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
