so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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