I look better un-naked...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
