it wasn't lemon gatorade
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
