i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
