Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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