You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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