Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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