WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
