with your own penis?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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