I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
