Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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