these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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