Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
