I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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