My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
