I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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