TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
