I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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