I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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