need another drink. this is the easiest way
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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