I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
