1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
