He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
