I wish my penis had an off switch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
