I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
