It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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