my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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