Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
