I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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